Trust Me
by Bre-dust2dust34
Summary: Post 3x23. Trust is a fragile thing, and both Oliver and Felicity have some rebuilding to do... (from Oliver's POV) (The one where they talk about the issues in Season 3 - including Malcolm Merlyn, Ra's Al Ghul, Nyssa Al Ghul, and Ray Palmer - and how Felicity and Oliver work out their progress in the bedroom.)


**Trust Me**

By Bre (dust2dust34)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Arrow.  
Rating: Explicit (including breast play, finger/anal play and squirting)

Summary: Post 3x23. Trust is a fragile thing, and both Oliver and Felicity have some rebuilding to do... (The one where they talk about the issues in Season 3 - including Malcolm Merlyn, Ra's Al Ghul, Nyssa Al Ghul, and Ray Palmer - and how Felicity and Oliver work out their progress in the bedroom.)

 **Author's Notes:**

Content Warning: This fic includes breast play, finger/anal play and squirting.

I got this amazing prompt:

 _Prompt: opheliafics - So, Bre. Have you considered that Oliver is an intense guy who isn't used to having extra time? A man who is used to being challenged at all times. A man who is used to having a strategy at all times. A man with LASER LIKE FOCUS. And now? Felicity is literally the only thing he has to focus on. It makes one wonder what a guy with intense focus who is used to strategizing and having goals- just what kind of personal challenge involving his new girlfriend might he come up with?_

And then it all spiraled out of control from there. Somehow it kept getting angstier, and smuttier... and then the prompt didn't become the point of this fic, as much as the underlying theme of it.

Olicity has a lot of shit to work through. Season 3 quite effectively tore through all the wondrous things that had been built between them previously. Some of the saving grace was their love for each other, but we all know love alone doesn't make a relationship work. They have to fight for it, and it's not perfect - it's messy, and ugly. I tried a different technique to communicate that in this fic, in snapshots, and it got pretty emotions/angst/smut heavy. I specifically kept things ambiguous - they're both hurt and angry, for different reasons.

This isn't about the road trip, so I'm posting it separately. I wrote most of this today, barely read over it, so all mistakes and weirdness are mine.

* * *

Trust was a fragile thing.

If there was one thing Oliver had learned over the last eight years, it was that.

Trust was fragile.

It had to be earned, worked for, and when it was finally given, it had to be treasured because it could be so easily damaged, chipped at, stretched, abused, harmed… sometimes irreparably.

Oliver knew the trust between him and Felicity had suffered more than a few blows over the last several months. The decisions he'd made, the paths he'd chosen, there had been consequences, on both sides. He knew they would talk about it, just like they always did, but it was still too fresh, and they were still learning how to be a them without any outside distractions. They'd been friends for so long, partners for so long, but this was different.

Not only did the trust as friends and partners have to be rebuilt, but new trust, as two people who loved each other, two people in a new intimate relationship, had to be laid.

Not only that, but they had so much to learn about each other.

He knew a lot of things about Felicity - her favorite vegetable, why she painted the middle toe on her right foot a different color, that she binge-watched her missed shows on Saturday nights, and that sometimes she preferred to drink Long Island Iced Teas because she never knew what to order - but those were friend things.

He didn't know what her deepest fears were, or her favorite memories from childhood, or what kind of man her dad was, or why she had such a strained relationship with Donna… just like she didn't know he'd gotten a girl pregnant, that he still had nightmares about his father killing himself, how he'd earned his tattoos, or when he realized he'd been in love with her for years…

They started out easy, with surface things, letting the heavy topics stay in the dark, in lingering glances, bitten tongues, cut-off words…

It was a process, one they were learning anew, together. They had to re-learn how to talk to each other, how to communicate…

If there was one thing Oliver never had to worry about, it was their sex life. There was something inside him that was intrinsically drawn to Felicity - the more they connected, they more they bonded, they more they rebuilt, the stronger it got, until a simple touch was enough to send him off the rails. He spent hours - no, days, if you wanted to add it all together - mapping every inch of her skin, memorizing her responses, learning her cues…

Time he had once spent focused on planning his crusade was now spent on _her_.

And she was satisfied, he knew that, but there was so much more… so much more she kept hidden from him, things just under the surface that never came up, things that she didn't realize she was hiding as much as she was…

Oliver wanted it _all_ , just like he wanted to give everything inside him to her.

It began with forgiveness…

And then acceptance…

And moving on…

* * *

 _Three Weeks after Leaving Starling City: Malcolm_

It started with her breasts.

He _loved_ her breasts. They were the perfect size, fitting right into his palm; one of his favorite things was how incredibly sensitive they got right before she came. Her pale skin always grew flush, creeping across her the more aroused she got. Oliver made it a habit to map the path it took, and he knew her chest turned light pink when she was aroused, her stomach flushing darker when her orgasm peaked.

Oliver knew exactly where she was in her pleasure based solely on what color pink her skin was.

Her breasts didn't flush, though. They stayed beautifully creamy, all the color focusing right at the pert tips of her gorgeous nipples. They grew long and hard when she was aroused, standing tall, their naturally dark punk hue growing a lush red, darkening even more when she came.

" _You don't… get it, Oliver. You trusted him over us, over John, me… god, even Laurel!"_

" _You're making it sound like it was as easy as picking him over you, it wasn't. He was my… he was our best bet, to beat Ra's. He was beating us at every turn, we needed an advantage."_

" _So you jump into bed with the local mass murderer? He's killed hundreds of people; he killed Sara, or did you conveniently forget that part?"_

" _That's not fair, and you know it."_

" _No, I don't. Because you didn't tell me. You didn't tell anyone. Instead you made a unilateral decision, again, and chose to trust Malcolm - the man who used his own daughter to kill our friend, the man who caused an entire building to fall on his son - over us."_

" _I didn't have a choice! What was I supposed to do, sit back and let Ra's burn down the entire city? The only thing I ever wanted was to keep everyone safe, to keep you safe, to make the city better."_

" _At what cost though?"_

" _It didn't matter."_

" _It mattered to me!… Do you remember what I said, before you left to face Ra's? About how scared I was that you weren't going to kill him, because that wasn't who you were anymore? Well, I was wrong."_

" _What?"_

" _I was wrong. I was scared for the wrong reason. I should have been scared that you were going to cross a line, a different line, because you did."_

" _Felicity…"_

" _You came back different after the fall - which of course you did, you basically freaking died, but… but, Oliver, you had a family, you had friends, you had people who loved you… and you were okay giving that up. Giving your life wasn't enough, you gave up… us. And I can't just get over that."_

" _I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to… to understand. I don't regret it… No, Felicity, I need to say this, please, listen. I don't regret it because I couldn't lose any more people that I loved. So yes, I did go to the man who was responsible for so much death in our lives, for that very reason. It wasn't just because he was Ra's student, or because he knew so much about the League - I had to become him. He is willing to do anything, and I… I needed that to beat Ra's."_

" _Is that supposed to make everything better? Is it supposed to make me happy that you were okay sacrificing everyone who has stayed by your side, the people who loved you, your family?"_

" _Tatsu said I would have to sacrifice the most precious things in the world to me… to beat Ra's, and she was right. I didn't know how to do that, Felicity, I didn't know how to-"_

" _But you did, Oliver… No, you don't get to give me that puppy dog look. You did give us up… you damaged us; you broke something that I didn't even think was breakable… So I guess it worked. You wanted to become like Malcolm, willing to do anything for the end result, no matter who got hurt along the way."_

" _I didn't want to."_

" _That's the funny thing about making choices, Oliver. It's still a choice. And you chose. You chose him over us."_

The Malcolm topic had come up on a fluke over dinner, and had rapidly spiraled out of control after that. It rose into a shouting match that slowly simmered into softer tones before exploding again, finally dissolving into tears…

It ended with them sprawled out on the bed of their hotel room several hours later, staring absently at the television.

Felicity switched through the channels, neither of them really watching anything, both still living in what had started out as a pointed conversation but had blown up into their first real fight.

A bone-deep exhaustion kept them anchored in place. A flimsy wall of uncertainty floated between them, the result of all the venting, of saying words they hadn't meant, of apologies that had been more than words, words that had reached deep down into both of them, unlocking some of the shadows they both still carried from the last several months.

It had healed cracks in their foundation… but revealed a lot more.

They were spent, too tired to even sleep.

Oliver was the first to move.

He slowly twisted so he was lying on his side, facing her. She didn't look at him, swollen eyes still on the TV. There was nothing left to say, not that night anyway.

Oliver moved slowly, resting his hand on her stomach.

The only reaction she gave him was a stutter in her breath, but it was enough.

He slid his hand down, over the gentle slope of her abdomen, and slipped his fingers up under her t-shirt. She took a deep breath, her stomach concaving, her eyes slipping shut at his touch.

Oliver watched her face as he moved up, the fabric of her t-shirt especially cool and rough against the back of his hand compared to the soft heat that was her skin.

She was so soft, soft where he was hard, but she was made of steel at the same time, hard enough to match his. She didn't back down, she didn't concede with her feelings or let him hide from his, and when he pushed back just as hard, she was there every inch of the way. There would never be enough words for how grateful he was that she had chosen him; that she loved him, accepted his love for her, even after everything they'd gone through.

He didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve her.

But he was done listening to that voice, because he needed her.

She wasn't wearing a bra.

Oliver's fingers found her left breast first, and she shifted - towards him - before stopping herself. Her pause felt like a kick to the chest. It would be so easy to listen to that tiny movement, to stop and let her have her space… but he didn't. He needed this - they needed this - to break through the final barrier from their fight.

Oliver found her nipple, gently rolling it.

Felicity let the hand holding the remote fall to the bed, arching into his touch.

The only sound in the room was the television, so low that it was easily lost in the background.

Oliver tweaked her nipple, twisting it, playing with it, making her gasp. His eyes never left her face, studying every emotion that slipped over her features, the way her eyebrow twitched, how her lips trembled, how the dewy hairs on her cheek stood up slowly as she responded to him.

His body started responding to hers, to her tiny gasps, her soft breast, but that was too much, too soon.

They needed… _this_.

Oliver rolled closer to her, pushing her t-shirt up, the material catching on her hard nipples, revealing her beautiful breasts to his hungry gaze.

Oliver slid his arm underneath her back, his hand finding the nape of her neck, cradling her to him and Felicity sighed, relaxing against him completely. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her nails gently scratching at his neck, the other over his scalp, making him shiver in her embrace.

Oliver leaned over her, his lips finding her right nipple.

He flicked his tongue over it, once, twice, making her gasp out his name, and he did it again, wanting to hear more, and she gave it to him. He swirled his tongue around the hard nub, her hips starting to move as she spread her legs, opening herself to him.

He pressed her nipple against the roof of his mouth, rubbing it back and forth.

"Aahh," Felicity gasped, her hips bucking, her nails digging into his scalp.

Oliver released it with a pop, the nipple shining in the low light coming off the TV, and blew on it.

Felicity hissed, opening her eyes to watch him watching her, her nipple growing harder under his ministrations.

"Oliver…"

The sound of his name on her lips, beautifully breathless, made him soar, and he looked up, their eyes catching. All of the apologies and whispered words of love from earlier washed over them, erasing the eradicated shadows forever. She cupped his cheek, her thumb caressing him lovingly.

"I love you."

Oliver returned to her breasts, pressing soft kisses along the spots where his beard had rubbed.

She whimpered, arching into him for more, and he slowly dragged his lips through the valley between her breasts, nipping the soft underside of her left breast before giving that nipple the same attention he had her other one.

It was already sensitive from his fingers, and when he grazed it with his teeth, she shuddered, her hips moving, seeking friction that he wasn't going to give her. He wanted more… he wanted to see what she would do, what pushed her higher, what he could get from her, what she would give him…

Oliver dragged his lips down over the bottom of her breast, leaving her nipple an angry wet red, listening to every single hitch in her breathing, to every single thing that made her hips jerk, made them move faster…

Felicity whined, pulling on his head and he looked up. Her pupils were blown wide, her eyes shiny with desperate desire, and she pushed him back to her right breast. She guided him to her nipple, her eyes never leaving his, and he immediately sucked it back into his mouth, hard.

"Oh god," she cried, her back arching into him, her hips starting to move faster.

His fingers found her left nipple and he tweaked it, making her moan something unintelligible, the words coming out in a messy blur. She pushed him down harder, and he pressed his face closer, his stubbled chin digging into the bottom of her soft mound, making her moan. Oliver took his cue, rubbing his chin there harder, flicking her nipple between his teeth and tongue.

"There, right there…"

One of her legs hooked over his, using him as an anchor as she planted her other foot, her hips moving faster, thrusting up into the air. The mattress bounced beneath them in time with her movements, her fingers squeezing him rhythmically.

"Don't… don't stop…" Her words came out in a desperate whisper, barely audible. "Right there, right… there… yes… Oliver… oh god, I'm coming, I'm coming… Ah!"

Oliver bit down, shoving his chin into the delicate spot, and she fell apart in his arms, coming with a series of short cries that echoed through the room. She held onto him as she thrust into the air, her skin flushing with heat underneath him as she rode the orgasm out.

"Oliver," she breathed, slumping in his arms, breathless. "Oh, Oliver…"

"I love you," Oliver whispered against her chest, pressing a kiss to her heart. She pulled him closer, pressing his head down, her trembling lips pressing a kiss to the crown of his head as he laid his head down on her chest. "I love you so much."

The sound of her rapidly beating heart starting to slow finally lulled him, and they fell asleep like that, wrapped around each other.

* * *

 _Five Weeks after Leaving Starling City: Ra's Al Ghul_

The next wall to crumble between them happened with her spread out before him, her hips propped up with a pillow, his head and fingers between her legs.

" _I scared you?"_

" _Why are you asking me that like you can't believe it?"_

" _That's not… how I'm asking it, I'm… I'm sorry."_

" _You've said that about a million times at this point."_

" _And I'll keep saying it. I didn't know that's how you felt, then."_

" _It was easier, when I didn't know - and this isn't me validating your choices, mister - but it was easier, to believe that you were gone. That you had sold your soul, that you'd given yourself and that the… the man who came back to Starling, the man who asked us to trust him before throwing us into a terrifying dungeon with that virus… it was easier to think that that wasn't you."_

" _I'm sorry."_

" _Stop, stop saying that, Oliver. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty… You do not have my permission to feel guilty, do you hear me?"_

"… _I hear you."_

" _At least pretend to smile for real when you say that."_

" _Felicity, I can't… the thought of you being scared of me, after everything…"_

" _Now I feel like I should say sorry."_

" _What? Why?"_

" _Because I'm not scared of you, Oliver. I think I was more scared for you, at how deep you had to go, to make him believe you."_

" _I think I scared myself a little, with how… easy it was. I didn't like it, I don't like that I can do that-"_

" _I know."_

"… _I think he knew, anyway."_

" _Who?"_

" _Ra's. He knew. When you all came to Nanda Parbat, when he was interrogating you all, asking how you knew about the plane, about the plan… when he focused his interrogation on you? I think he knew; he just didn't want to face it."_

" _So much could have gone wrong."_

" _So much did go wrong… I'm so sorry I scared you, Felicity."_

" _Promise me something, Oliver."_

" _You know whatever you ask me, I'll do it."_

" _I need you… whole. I need you to need you whole. Don't-"_

" _Shh… come here. I won't. You helped me with that, Felicity. I thought that loving people was a weakness, something to be used against me, but not anymore."_

" _So I have your official permission to knock you upside the head if you ever get that look in your eye?"_

" _Yes… yes, this is me giving you permission to do that."_

" _Well, good… Although I would have done it anyway, I was just trying to make you feel good."_

Felicity was sprawled out on the pillows, wearing nothing but the temporary tattoo she'd picked for them the day before. Hers was a cartoon Robin Hood - something that'd made him raise an eyebrow - on her left breast, which he'd studiously applied himself, and his was a tattoo flash of a heart on his bicep, a cupid bow and arrow in the background.

Right now her cartoon was swaying in time with her squirming body, her muscles clenched with anticipation, a light sheen of sweat covering her.

This hotel was one of the nicer ones they'd stayed in, and by nicer he meant that the bed was covered in way too many damn pillows, although the way she was sprawled out over them, elevating her slightly, firm and full, he wasn't complaining.

"Up," he said softly and Felicity lifted her hips. Oliver watched in appreciation the way her abdomen tightened, the way her curves - the overabundance of fried food had left her curvier than ever, and he _loved it_ \- moved as he shoved a pillow underneath her before laying out before her.

His mouth found her clit without warning.

"Oh god," Felicity yelped, her hips bucking and Oliver gripped her thighs, pushing her legs wider, keeping her still as he ate her out. She tasted amazing, musky and spicy, her juices coating his tongue and chin. The pillow under her let him spread her even wider and she sunk into the pillows, letting him do whatever he wished with her.

Oliver let go of her clit, much to her chagrin, and dug his chin into her entrance, feeling her opening clenching with need. He'd already made her come twice, once with his fingers, the second time with his tongue shoved deep into her, and now…

Oliver slid his arm under her thigh, wrapping it over her lower abdomen, keeping her in place as he sat up on his elbows, leaning forward, using his shoulders to keep her legs spread.

He looked up to find her already watching him, her eyes drugged with desire, her chest heaving, her lips spread in a needy pant.

His eyes never left hers as he dragged a single finger down her center. She bit her lower lip, her brow furrowing in concentration. She was soaking wet; her juices slipped over his hand, between his fingers. Oliver flicked her engorged clit, already hard and yearning for more, and she jerked, biting her lip harder.

"Felicity, let go of your lip," he said softly and she narrowed her eyes at him in consternation.

"Get your lips back down there," she replied. He chuckled, flicking her clit again, making her whimper.

Oliver slipped his finger between her puffy lips, her skin flushing with arousal. He swirled his finger through her wetness, pressing it into her slightly before pulling out again, and she groaned, throwing her head back, her hands clenching the pillows around her. He did it again, keeping his thrusts shallow.

"Please," she whined. "Oliver, please just… please…"

"Shh," he whispered. He pressed three fingers to her entrance, spreading her wetness down, down…

Her eyes snapped back to his when he smeared her creamy wetness against her other pert little hole that was spread open before him.

"What are you doing?" she whispered, her voice trembling as she tried to sit up in the sea of pillows, and he almost stopped.

Almost.

"Trust me?" he replied. He watched her closely as he rubbed her there, using her wetness to make her slick. She took a deep breath, and he felt her back entrance squeezing shut, but he kept rubbing. "Has anyone ever played with you like this?"

"No," she responded, her eyes on his hand, tugging her lips between her teeth. Oliver glanced at her chest, at her breasts where her nipples were hard and at attention, pale white against her deep pink flushed skin.

She was unsure… but she liked it.

He rubbed a little harder, and she gave him a soft moan, her eyes fluttering shut as she arched her hips up.

"You like it," he said, and she didn't say anything for a second, her eyes flying back to his hand before she gave him a short nod. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," she answered immediately. "Always."

"Can I…" Oliver slowly pushed his index finger into her tight hole, and her muscles immediately contracted around him, trying to push him back out but he pushed in until the tip of his finger was inside her. "Is this okay?"

Her breathing was becoming heavier, more erratic, as she stared at his hand. And then she met his gaze.

Oliver's entire being blossomed at the full and complete trust staring back at him.

"Okay," she whispered, nodding.

"Okay," he said, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her inner thigh. "Relax. Trust me, it'll feel good."

Oliver pulled his finger back out and used his others to spread more of her creamy juices, preparing her puckered hole. He leaned over her sex, inhaling her scent, pressing his nose against her clit, his tongue slipping out to taste her nether lips as he rubbed her. She tried to move against the arm wrapped around her middle, to meet his touches, but he clamped down.

Oliver pulled her clit into his mouth just as he pressed his index finger into her from behind, slowly.

"Oh god, that feels…" She grabbed his head between her legs, making fists in his hair. He pushed his finger in all the way. "Aaahhhh… oh god, oh…"

"Is it okay?" he asked, his lips pressed to her clit still, and the vibration of his voice made her tremble underneath him.

"It's… yes, it's okay, yes. Please… please don't stop."

Oliver smiled, licking her clit again as he pulled his finger out and thrust it into her. She arched, keening his name, spreading her legs wider as he thrust shallowly, pushing deeper and deeper into her ass. He felt her starting to relax, starting to get used to it, no longer fighting the intrusion as much but the muscles still clenched around him so, so tightly.

The thought of those muscles wrapped around him, _squeezing_ him…

Oliver groaned on her clit and she cried out, pushing his face against herself harder. She clenched around his finger, and when he pulled out, he added a second, pushing them both into her.

"Oh god…" Oliver pulled back, his eyes on her, forcing her hands to cradle his face. She dug her nails into his cheeks, her body literally shaking. Her breasts trembled and her stomach clenched as he pushed his fingers all the way into her. When he had them fully seated, he didn't move, letting her get used to it. "Wow."

"Is that a good wow?" he asked with a smile, and she nodded rapidly.

Oliver pulled them out and thrust them back in, making her whimper. Oliver did it again, twisting his hand, heightening her sensation. Her fingers shook where they held his face, her entire body quaking. His eyes never left her face as he leaned and flicked his tongue against her clit.

"Yes!" she gasped, and he did it again in time with his thrusts, flicking rapidly.

She was getting wetter, her desire smearing against his chin, her juices dripped down to where he finger-fucked her ass, making her more slick, his fingers penetrating her smoother. He built her up, watching her body shake with her impending orgasm. The noises she made were gorgeous, filling the room, completely unaware just how loud she was being. Every inch of her trembled with need, with the power of the orgasm he was giving her, and the swift kick of pride that hit his chest had him thrusting into her faster, harder.

"Yes, harder," she whispered. "Harder… harder…"

Oliver flicked his tongue over her clit quicker, watching the heavy flush sweep over her body as she got closer to her release.

"Oh god, yes!" Felicity suddenly dropped his face, gripping his arm around her middle, holding onto it as she thrust against his fingers with surprising strength. Her muscles tightened around him, her shaking growing worse, her cries growing louder… "There, there… don't stop, don't… oh fuck me, I… don't… yes!"

Oliver sucked her clit into his mouth, hard, and he added a third finger in with his next thrust.

That was all it took.

Felicity came with a heavy shout, her ass clenching around him, wetness drenching his face and hand.

Oliver kept his fingers buried deep inside her, releasing her clit to dig his face against her wet entrance. He licked and sucked, his nose rubbing against her clit, sending a tiny aftershock through her; one of her hands flew to the back of his head, gripping his hair so tightly he saw stars as her back bowed, shoving herself against his face.

* * *

 _Seven Weeks after Leaving Starling City: Nyssa Al Ghul_

After one of the biggest landmines between them was tripped, there was nothing gentle about the way he attacked her, the way she scratched her nails across his shoulders, the blood hickey he made on her neck or bite she left on his bicep.

Afterwards, it was Felicity who closed the gap between them, turning onto her back and grabbing his hand, pushing it between her legs.

" _Are we ever going to talk about it?"_

"… _I don't know."_

" _So that means no, right? Because you were waiting for me to say something about it? Which means if I never wanted to talk about it, we'd never talk about it?"_

" _We do need to talk about it, but I didn't want to… upset this."_

" _This? You mean us? Oliver, look at me. Meaning there's something that would upset this, right? I mean, of course there's something that would upset this, there's a reason we haven't talked about it yet."_

" _That's not what I meant, Felicity."_

" _Then what did you mean?"_

" _I didn't want this to happen! I didn't want to fight about it. I didn't want to see that look in your eyes, the way you're looking at me right now, like I… like you don't like what you see."_

" _It's not… I mean, I'm not… Oliver, it's… you're married. Technically, you're… marr… God, I can't even say it."_

" _Technically I'm not anything, Felicity. I'm… I'm married in the eyes of the League, that's it. It's not a binding thing, it's not like I have a marriage certificate in my bag."_

" _You know what, I'm sorry I brought it up. I can't talk about this."_

" _No, no… Felicity, don't leave."_

" _Let me go."_

" _Felicity-"_

" _I can't talk about it because every time I even think about it, it makes me sick to my stomach… You're married! And I don't care about technicalities, or legality, or whatever, because in the eyes someone in the world, you're married! You were… betrothed, to someone, and you married… her."_

" _Felicity…"_

" _I thought about it, that night, before we left, when you came over. I thought about it, because I felt really guilty. I'd just slept with someone else's husband, and Oliver, please don't say you're not anyone's husband, because you are, okay, you are… I know you don't love her, I know you didn't have anything with her, but you are still… married to her. And the thing is… it wasn't just that - it was me. I didn't regret it. I wanted you so badly. I wanted to be with you so badly that I would have done anything, including being with you even though you just got married, like, a couple hours before that… and… And you know, maybe there's a reason we never talked about this… because every time I think about it, I want to…"_

" _What? What do you want to do?"_

" _I want to… throw things, I want to hit you, and scream, and just get… really angry!"_

" _Then do it! Would it help?"_

" _No! No, it would make it worse, and I don't want to make it worse, it's already bad enough."_

"… _You know I didn't want to marry her, right?"_

" _Oliver…"_

" _It wasn't part of the plan. That was never part of the plan. I was supposed to be in the League for months - months - before any of this came up. I was supposed to have time to learn everything I could about them and slowly take them apart from the inside. I wasn't supposed to be… elevated, so quickly. I wasn't supposed to marry Nyssa."_

" _But you did."_

" _I know. And it happened, it had to happen…"_

" _I really don't want to hear this, Oliver…"_

" _No, Felicity, look at me. The entire time I was up there, with her, in the ceremony… I wasn't thinking about her. I… here, look. Look at my hand, do you see that scar? I had a blade, in my pocket. I squeezed it the entire time, to keep myself there. I didn't want to be there, Felicity, because in a perfect world, if I'd had to marry anyone, it would've been… It wouldn't have been her."_

" _Who would've it been?"_

"… _You know who."_

" _Say it. Oliver, say it."_

" _You, damn it, you know it's always you."_

"… _. God, I want… I want to be happy hearing that, but I'm not. I'm not! It's ridiculous! How long have I been in love with you? I mean, it's been forever, honestly, even if I was ignoring it most of the time, and trust me, there were plenty of daydreams, but… not like this. Never like this, this…"_

" _What?"_

" _Nothing is normal in our lives! And normally I like that, I really like that because it's what makes us… us. I think, I don't know. But why, why can't we just have one - one thing - that is normal? Why can't I have a boyfriend who I love more than life itself who didn't marry someone else for the sake of a stupid plan to take down the League of Assassins? Why do I have to feel like this when I think about it, feel like…"_

" _Felicity, please… please stop crying."_

" _I wanted that to be normal because then… this would be normal, I would be normal!"_

" _What are talking about?"_

" _I'm the other woman, Oliver. I know it's stupid, I know I'm not… really, but… I am, and I can't ignore it, I can't turn it off… but… but I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. I'm okay because I finally have you - I have you - and that's all that matters. It's all I ever wanted, and I don't care what I have to do to get you… What does that say about me?"_

" _Oh… Felicity…"_

" _No, don't touch me, don't… please, stay over there."_

" _I don't know… I don't know what to say."_

" _Don't… you don't have to say anything."_

" _Felicity-"_

" _I thought we agreed on no talking?"_

"… _. So what does it say about me?"_

" _Oliver, please…"_

" _What does it say about me that I can't stop either? That I don't care? I hate that I had to marry Nyssa, that I was willing to do it, that I was willing to do anything, because that was one… that was one area that was supposed to be mine. But I gave it up."_

" _Oliver…"_

" _But I have you now, Felicity, and I don't care either. I want you, only you, and I'm not going to let you go. I won't."_

" _Do you know how that sounds? How… unhealthy, I mean…"_

" _I don't care."_

" _I do."_

" _No, you don't. Because if you did, you wouldn't have come with me, and if I did, I wouldn't have asked you to."_

Oliver didn't move as Felicity picked up his hand, pulling it up to her lips. He watched her kiss each of his fingertips, gently, her lips barely touching him, moving on to his palm. She looked over at him and he met her gaze, a surprisingly comfortable silence settling between them as she kissed his palm again, turning his hand over, kissing as much surface as she could reach.

The topic of his marriage to Nyssa was bound to come up, it had to… but he wouldn't have thought it would end like this. They were nowhere near done talking about it, working through it, but the fact that she'd brought it up - finally - and that they'd at least _talked_ about it…

He felt better. Lighter.

It was ironic considering the talk had ended in a heated exchange of words that ended with Oliver grabbing her, Felicity's fists hitting his shoulders before he slammed her against the wall, his lips finding hers in a harsh kiss.

His back hurt from her scratching him, his lips were sore from her biting… and she'd sunk her teeth deep into his arm when he'd been pounding into her, triggering one of the most painfully pleasurable orgasms he'd ever felt in his life.

It had been cathartic, like they'd been taking out all the frustration on each other and they'd both gloried in it.

They'd probably have to talk about that in addition to everything still brewing between them about, well, everything, but… it was a start.

Felicity took his hand and pressed it to her chest, pushing it between her breasts, his fingers dragging over a nipple. She pushed it over the soft planes of her stomach, spreading her legs, using both her hands to push his fingers into the wet mess between her thighs.

Oliver's breath hitched; his eyes were glued to her face. She sighed, arching, opening her legs more as she pushed his fingers against her clit and then slid them down, pushing one into her silky channel. She was wet, very wet, from the orgasm she'd just had, from his seed still inside her.

He loved that. One of the best things she'd told him one week into their travels was that she'd found a way to get her birth control… There was something entirely primal about being able to feel her without any barriers between them, feeling her walls contract as she came, feeling her milk him, her body urging him to fill her with his essence…

Oliver took over, pressing his finger up inside her and she whispered his name, closing her eyes. Oliver watched her skin slowly turn a dusky pink, her nipples starting to harden again as he thrust his finger in and out of her, her hands still hovering over his, pushing his palm against her sensitive clit. Her hips started to move, to meet his thrusts, and pushed his finger higher, caressing the front wall where he felt the soft spongy mound.

"Felicity," he said softy, pushing his finger deeper into her, curling it to caress the spot. She inhaled quickly, her hips freezing in mid-thrust as he did it again, and again. "Have you ever tried squirting?"

She stiffened, like he'd just poked her with an electric prod, and they both froze. "Uh, yeah." She pulled her hands back, laying them over her stomach. "It, uh, didn't go very well."

Oliver pulled his finger out of her, but he kept his hand cupped over her sex. She sat up a little, mentally pulling away from, and he moved his hand, fighting to keep himself still as a protective surge rose up in his gut as he watched her.

"What happened?" he asked softly.

"It wasn't…" She closed her eyes. "It just wasn't a great experience. It was with a guy I was dating before Cooper." She let out a heavy breath. "We'd been drinking, and it sort of just… came up. But neither of us really knew what to do, so he read a few articles online, and then he started."

Oliver waited for more, but she didn't continue. He propped his head up on his hand, resting his hand over her heart, his arm resting on her stomach. "And?"

"I liked it, but it was too much, I felt like I had to… pee." Felicity shut her eyes, covering her face. "Oh my god, I can't believe I'm talking to you about this, this is mortifying."

Oliver's lips quirked in a tiny smile; he didn't move to uncover her face, instead staring at the back of her hands as he said, "I hear that's normal."

"Yeah, well, I learned that _after_ ," Felicity said. She opened her eyes, staring at the ceiling. "The not so fun part was I told him to stop, but he didn't. I think it would… I think it would have been fine, except… he got a little aggressive… down there."

Oliver bit the tip of his tongue so hard he tasted blood.

"He was… pulling, and…" Felicity shuddered, shaking her head again, like the memory was a living thing under her skin and she was trying to shake it off, but it wasn't going anywhere. "He did stop, finally, and I left. And that was the last time I tried _that_."

"I'm sor..." She gave him a pointed look and he smiled, ducking his head. "Right. I'm saying that too much." He took a deep breath, lifting his hand to brush a piece of hair off her face. "I would love to… replace a bad memory with a good one. If you'd let me."

Felicity stared at him, not breathing for a second. He was trying something new, asking her. _Talking_ , instead of burying… His skin was still raw from earlier, not just from what they'd done to each other, but from the words they'd thrown, the ones built up over months of not talking…

Oliver didn't move, waiting, feeling her heart racing against his palm through her breast.

He waited… and she finally nodded.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah… but-"

"Felicity, if you want to stop, you just need to say it and I will. I promise."

"I know." Her eyes were wide, but the deeply laid trust shining back at him was laced through her fear, and she smiled. "I know."

"Let me grab a towel," Oliver said, rolling off the bed, making his way to the bathroom naked. He grabbed two off the rack, coming back to appreciative looks as she shifted nervously on the bed. He tossed the towels next to her. "Do you need to go the bathroom?"

Felicity blushed at his question, and she laughed at the absurdity of it. He grinned as she shook her head. "No. I peed angrily during our fight."

Oliver chuckled - this was one of his favorite things about her. They'd spent over three hours talking about Nyssa, about his… marriage, earlier, followed by a lot of angry sex, followed by her voluntarily offering a part of herself to him, confiding in him, before giving him permission to replace a dark moment in her past with something lighter… to making him chuckle about something as ridiculous as peeing angrily.

God, he loved her.

Instead of lying down next to her, Oliver's hands found her knees and she let him spread her legs slightly, his hands stroking down her inner thighs softly. He pushed her legs open wider, one hand sliding towards her center, his thumb rubbing a soft line up her sex and over her clit.

He licked his lips, using his thumb to push her clit hood back just a bit, revealing the tiny bead.

"Scoot up," he said and she did, giving him room to settle between her legs. She was wet, wetter than even a minute ago, which was a good sign.

He easily slipped two fingers deep inside her, his mouth finding her clit.

Felicity gasped, thrusting up against his face. He didn't hold her still, letting her do whatever she wanted as he licked at her, rubbing his tongue in long even strokes over her clit. Felicity grabbed the back of his head, holding him still as she rubbed herself against him with a new abandon that hadn't been there before. He wasn't sure if it was control she was seeking, or if she wanted to erase the memory as badly as he did, but Oliver didn't care, as long as she didn't stop.

She planted her feet, pushing her sex up against his mouth, rotating in slow circles.

Oliver kept his hand still as she pleasured herself, but he twisted his fingers, looking for that same spongy spot he'd felt before. When he found it, he massaged it gently, curling his fingers again and she gave him the sweetest little moan. He did it again, getting the same noise from her.

He took his time, exploring the area, feeling it growing larger with each second that passed, as she grew more aroused, as her pleasure grew…

Oliver opened his eyes, watching her body undulate under his mouth. Her skin grew flush, a dark pink, her nipples growing longer, turning that beautiful red… Her lips were wet from licking them, her mouth open in a mindless pant, her eyes closed, all her energy concentrated on his mouth, on what he was doing to her.

Oliver stroked the spot inside her, and her body twitched, her breasts jerking, her stomach trembling.

She was close.

Oliver pulled away, keeping his fingers inside her, as she whimpered her disagreement. She opened her eyes to his, and he curled his fingers, stroking her from the inside. She gasped, spreading her legs more, and he sat up, grabbing a towel, spreading it out.

"Can I?" he asked, and she swallowed uncertainly but lifted her hips anyway. He pushed the towel underneath her, and pushed her hips back down, spreading her legs. "Are you okay?"

"I'm nervous," she whispered, the tremble in her voice saying the same and Oliver rubbed her thighs softly.

"Anytime you want to stop, just tell me," he said. "This is about you, not me."

"But… Oliver, I want you to…"

"I want you to feel how good this can be, Felicity, that's all I want." Oliver moved, neither of them commenting on his hard cock swaying between them as he moved to kneel next to her on the bed. "It might happen, it might not, let's take it one step at a time, okay?"

"Oliver…" He looked up at her and a shot of uncertainty hit him when he saw the sheen of tears in her eyes. "No, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm just… you're being really amazing."

Oliver smiled. "It's easy when I have such an amazing girlfriend."

"You big sap," Felicity said, rolling her eyes, but she was smiling. Oliver leaned over her, pressing a quick chaste kiss to her lips, his hand sliding down to her sex again. This time she opened her legs without preamble and he smiled. She closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip, arching into his touch as he caressed her pubic bone, sliding down to her clit and to her lips, spreading her wetness. She moaned when he rubbed a few soft circles, before he slid his middle and ring finger into her channel. "Oliver?"

"Yeah?" he asked softly, his other hand caressing her breasts before slipping down her stomach, pushing his fingers in deeper.

"How do you know how to do… this?" she asked, her voice coming out in breathless pants.

"You really want to talk about that right now?" he replied, amusement coloring his tone and she opened her eyes, shrugging. He raised an eyebrow at her. "A girl I met in college. She was rather… well-versed, and she showed me."

He stroked her g-spot and she arched into his hand. "And you… like it?"

"I like it when you like it," he replied softly. "Relax, Felicity, just feel… and tell me to stop if you need to stop."

After a heavy second, she nodded, and Oliver pulled his fingers out enough to let his thumb stroke her clit for a few moments. She writhed under his touch, and he used his free hand to press against her stomach, holding her still as he flicked her clit. She gasped his named, her legs spreading wider, her fingers tangling with the sheets around her.

Oliver thrust his fingers into her, shoving his palm against her tender clit. He stroked her, curling his fingers, and pushed his hand on her abdomen down, applying more pressure. She mewled, tossing her head… and then Oliver slowly started moving his hand in an up and down motion, softly, gently, letting her get used to it…

She choked out his name, and a heady flush rushed over her skin as her pleasure built. He picked up the speed. Felicity cried out, arching into him and that was all he needed.

Oliver moved his hand fast, as fast as he could, up and down, up and down, stroking her g-spot. She yelped, and he pressed down on her lower abdomen, pushing her inner wall closer to his fingers.

Her sharp, "Ah, ah, ah," cries started filling the room, her body stiffening with her impending orgasm.

Oliver felt the instant she started to pull back.

"Let go, Felicity," he whispered as he moved, up and down, up and down, the sound of her wet sex starting to echo her cries of pleasure. "Let go, baby, come for me… Let go, just let go…"

And she did.

He felt the switch in her the instant she gave in, the instant she gave herself over to him, trusting him implicitly, and she blossomed under his touch, her body opening to his, opening to what he was giving her…

"Ol… Oli… I… I… ah ah ah!"

Her cries grew louder, more rapid as he stroked her g-spot, over and over…

Felicity came with a wet hot gush squirting out of her, her shouts of pleasure filling the room. She soaked his hand and the towel and he kept stroking, milking more out of her, and she squirted more to the sound of her desperate shouts, drenching herself and his hand before her body collapsed on the bed.

"Oooh god," Felicity whispered. "Oh god, oh god… oh god…"

Oliver pulled his fingers out, his forearm aching like a son of a bitch but it was so worth it.

"That was amazing," she whimpered. "Oh wow…"

Oliver leaned over her, kissing her softly. She was limp underneath him and he cupped her sex, caressing her, spreading her cum as she twitched, keening his name…

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, kissing her again, and again. "So beautiful… Thank you…"

… _for trusting me._

* * *

 _Eight Weeks after Leaving Starling City: Ray Palmer_

The final pieces fell into place when Oliver was buried deep inside her.

" _Did you love him?"_

" _What?"_

" _Palmer."_

" _No. I liked him, but… it wasn't like that. I was… he was hospital Jell-O."_

" _What?"_

" _Well, he sort of… did say he loved me. Just once, it was a one-time thing, after he got shot with that arrow, and after I'd injected those little nano things into him. He said he loved, and I sort of said I'd get him some Jell-O… It wasn't my finest moment. But even before that, he knew."_

" _He knew?"_

" _Don't play coy, Oliver… It was the same way my mom knew. I wasn't very good at hiding how I felt around you. And ironically the only guy who didn't notice was you… I could have stayed with Ray, if you hadn't come back, it would have worked, but it wouldn't have been… this."_

" _It probably would have been a lot easier."_

" _Yeah, and boring. You're the one for me. It's not perfect, it's not easy… it's actually a lot harder than I thought it would be, but… but this is it for me. You're it for me."_

" _Good. Because you're it for me."_

" _We still have so much to talk about, to work through, but this… it's worth it. You'll always be worth it, Oliver."_

" _I love you."_

Oliver cradled her closer, wrapping his arms around her where she straddled his lap on the bed, her hips rolling softly over his. He pushed his forehead against hers, breathing her air as she breathed his, both covered in a thin sheen of sweat…

They hadn't left the hotel room all day, content to stay in bed, exploring each other. They'd already made love three times that morning, once hard and fast, the other two times softer… but this time… this was about reaffirmation. This was about reconnecting. This was about opening up, trusting each other, loving each other…

"I love you," Felicity whispered, cradling his head in her arms, pressing her forehead tightly to his.

"I love you…"

They slowly made love to each other, saying everything through touch that had already been said with words…

Things weren't perfect, they would never be perfect, but they were going to be okay; they were going to be more than okay…

Because they had each other and that was all that mattered.

The End

* * *

Hopefully this came across alright. I wanted them to talk, but I didn't want anything resolved because it's a process. I liked the idea of Felicity opening herself to Oliver in more ways than using her words, to help show their emotional progress.

Please let me know what you thought - reviews literally feed my soul and muse!


End file.
